SOMETIMES after months, years or even decades, that niggling feeling won’t budge.
Nikki Watkins explains how to know if you have settled for a less than ideal match.
You’ve stopped going to zumba
MAYBE you have lost yourself somewhere along the way.
Georgette Culley, the Sun’s sex and relationships contributing editor, says: “Think back to the start. Who were you then?
“Have you brought your hobbies, interests and dreams with you into the relationship or have you forgotten what really makes you tick?
“Sometimes we wear a mask to fit into the life of someone else, rather than being ourselves. This isn’t sustainable.
“Maybe you have an amenable personality and need to shout a little louder, or start making time away from your partner to pursue your interests.”
They skipped your family party
NOT spending time with each other’s families could be cause for concern.
Georgette says: “If you go to family gatherings alone or your partner sees his or her family without you, ask yourself why. Is one of you ashamed of the other or hiding something?
“Maybe one of you doesn’t see this relationship as worth investing in long-term and therefore don’t feel the need to build bonds with the in-laws. It’s time to have a frank conversation and get to the bottom of this.”
You nod along when friends slate him or her
ALARM bells should ring when family and friends start slating your other half and you don’t leap to their defence, says relationship coach Kate Mansfield.
She adds: “The truth could be that subconsciously you’re beginning to see this person isn’t a good fit for you and coming to a subliminal decision that this won’t last for ever — so your loved ones’ opinions don’t matter.”
You never argue
NEVER bickering sounds like a dream, but Kate believes if a pair cannot clear the air they are not well matched.
She says: “There will be a feeling of walking on eggshells and tension building, yet nothing ever gets spoken about and put to rest.
“This kind of avoidance of conflict is unhealthy and can lead to health problems, because unexpressed anger is deadly.
“This issue often manifests in your sex life slowly dying, along with your spark for each other.”
You fall asleep in front of the TV
YOU might think nothing of nodding off in front of the telly.
Life is tough at the moment and many of us are exhausted.
But Georgette says: “If hanging out together leaves you snoozier than ever, this could be a sign you’re with the wrong person.
“Your partner should make you feel joyful and alive.
“But if feelings of exhaustion and being stuck are creeping in, this is a huge warning that some serious work needs to be done.”
People coo over you being BFFs
BEING your other half’s best mate may seem like a “couple goal”, but it can ultimately make you both miserable, says Kate.
She advises: “You sometimes need to differentiate between your best pals and your lover.
“If they are your only confidante you are seeing them in the ‘friend role’ and that is taking away your spark
“You are also becoming too reliant on one person for all of your emotional needs.
“In reality, we need a range of friends and family for this.”
You think about sex . . . just not with them
MISMATCHED libidos is normal, according to Georgette.
But she adds: “If you can’t remember the last time you actually wanted to have sex with your partner, yet you are thinking about having sex with other people, or pleasuring yourself, something could be amiss.
“Have you entered the friend zone?
“If you want to repair your sex life and bring the spark back, act fast — try counselling.
“Having no sexual attraction to your other half could spell doom.”
You don’t know how they vote
BEING unable to share your views with your partner could spell trouble.
Georgette says: “You don’t have to agree on everything.
“But if you are unable to have an honest conversation about politics, your future — from babies to where you want to live when you retire — or even what sex positions you like or dislike, this could mean your relationship will get stuck in a halfway house where you never fully open up to each other.
The longer this goes on, the more distant you will become.”
They say, ‘I love you’
YOUR partner mentions the three little words, but do you know why they love you, asks Georgette.
She says: “Do they love your feisty personality, your sense of humour, your drive — or maybe your jiggly bottom, your little boobs or your freckles?
“If the love is authentic, you would know.
“If you don’t know, it could be that your relationship is one of convenience, or mutually beneficial for other reasons such as finance or childcare.
“But when these things change, ask yourself what’s left.”
You’re getting forgetful
EVER find yourself asking them a question you’ve already asked?
Kate says: “Not really listening is a clear sign you are not interested in what they have to say.
“Similarly, if your partner asks you the same questions over and over, or worse still, very rarely asks you anything about your life — work, friends, family — there is a clear disconnect between the two of you. It needs addressing.
“Try putting away phones in the evening and having an uninterrupted conversation.
“If either of you still lacks interest or you have nothing to talk about, maybe whatever initially attracted you to each other has fizzled out.”
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